I Was a D*ICK Today: How a Moment of Toxicity Taught Me About Emotional Triggers
I clearly forgot how to pay attention to my behavior in the heat of a moment.
I realized I am not paying attention to my actions.
Positive Mindset vs. Real-Life Reactions
I have been trying to be careful how I say things. Knowing “what you think about you bring about” about (The Law of Attraction) which I learned years ago from The SecretbyRhonda Byrnes.
If you do not know what this means, basically, energetically if you think positive thoughts you bring positivity into your life and vice versa when it comes to negativity.
So, I try to frame my mindset in a good positive place as much as I possibly can.
Reality is, I am frigging human and not every moment is positive.
Anyhow, I woke up a bit early, full of smiles, fed out fish, Ricardo.
Took our beagle pup, Lucy out for her morning routine.
Saved a bee from getting stepped on, watered the flowers and then sat down for my morning meditation.
After my mediation I started to journal. I was in such a great headspace and vibing with my thoughts and feelings then out of nowhere my husband came flying around the corner with these pistols in the air (not literally) venting about how one of our stock purchases dipped a little bit after a purchase we made the other day.
Emotional Triggers & Accountability
Instead of acknowledging his frustration about the stock dip I became enraged that he ruined my positive mindframe and moment.
I said something really shitty! Which I will not repeat here b/c it’s really shitty.
However, I continued on my selfish path of being so upset with him that I took Lucy and went for a walk. On my walk I was mad and angry thinking how can he be so inconsiderate of the efforts I put into my daily “happy place” routine.
Then I kept walking trying to clear my mind and I looked up toxicity in humans. Right when I thought his behaviors were toxic, I read this article about The Four Horsemen. Well, I stopped in my tracks. Lucy looked at me like “WTF Mom let’s go! “
Anyhow, I realized at that moment that my behavior earlier was toxic, and I felt awful!
The Truth About Emotional Awareness
See no matter how “positive” I typically am and put out into the universe, my behavior and my words earlier in the morning were crap.
Not only was I dismissive of how my husband was feeling, I said something hard to bounce back from and I stonewalled him to protect myself.
I stomped in place like a child. Completely disgraced by my behavior and most importantly I hurt the man that I love more than anything. I hurt my main buddy! My world!
I immediately tried to call him, but he didn’t answer, and I did not blame him. I shot him a text asking him to please call me, but I knew the damage was already done. He responded eventually asking for some space for the day.
So, I made a genuine attempt to explain myself b/c what I said came out completely wrong and I didn’t mean what came out. I apologized as much as I could, I acknowledged what I said was wrong and how terrible I felt. Again, the damage was done!
Disclaimer *I will not discount my feelings in the moment b/c it’s important to me to honor where I was during the hot minute and I felt disregarded and that my time was not important to him. I should have handled it better.
Quick Conclusion
After acknowledgement on both of our parts, apologies and a kind chat, my husband and I worked through the situation. Pretty damn proud of us!
Things you should learn about
The Four Horsemen of Toxic Communication (And How to Handle Them)
These are the sneaky, toxic patterns that quietly break down our relationships: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Most of us do at least one. Hell, I’ve done all four. But once you start recognizing them for what they are, you can start to shift how you show up.
1. Criticism
This is when we go after someone’s character instead of calling out a specific behavior. It sounds like: “What’s wrong with you?” or “You’re so selfish.”
When you speak like this, you’re not just addressing what bothered you—you’re telling your partner they’re the problem. It’s hurtful. And it shuts down connection real quick.
But let’s be clear: that doesn’t mean you should bite your tongue when something upsets you. You’re allowed to speak up. Youshouldspeak up. It’s howyou deliver it that makes all the difference in the world2. Contempt
This one’s brutal. Contempt shows up as dismissive acts, satire, mockery, or straight-up disrespect. It makes your partner feel small—and you look like you’re above it all.
Honestly? It’s poison.
When contempt creeps in, it’s often because appreciation has disappeared. You’ve stopped seeing the good in the other person, and everything they do becomes annoying or not good enough.
3. Defensiveness
This is when you feel attacked and your walls shoot up. You deflect, make excuses, or immediately throw the blame back. (“Yeah, well YOU never…”)
It’s a reaction most of us learned to protect ourselves. But being defensive almost always makes things worse—because instead of hearing your partner, you’re shutting them down.
4. Stonewalling
This is when you shut down completely. You go quiet, tune out, leave the room, or act like everything’s fine when it clearly isn’t. You think you’re avoiding a fight, but what your partner feels is abandonment.
Most people who stonewall aren’t trying to be jerks—they’re just emotionally overwhelmed. But staying silent too long only creates more tension.
TIPS:
What to do instead of Criticize:
Talk about the action, not the person.
Be clear, Be cool, not cruel.
Your tone matters more than you think. It’s what can make a complete difference in delivery.Lay off the cruelty and judgement
How to fight contempt:
Pay attention to what’s really upsetting you. Don’t let it turn into passive-aggressive digs.
Stop writing stories in your head about how you’re the victim or they’re the villain.
Look for what they are doing right, and name it out loud. That shit matters.
What helps instead of being Defensive:
Listen first. You might be hearing a tone they didn’t intend. Ask before assuming.
Validate something—anything—that makes sense in what they’re saying.
Own your part. Even if it’s just 5%, take that 5%.
What to do instead of Stonewalling:
Take a breather (something we all need to work on) before you say something you regret
Actually, do something calming—deep breathing, take a walk—so your nervous system resets.
Come back when you're ready and talk it out honestly.
We Are All Capable of Toxicity (And Growth)
This wasn’t my best moment. But it reminded me that healing isn’t perfection—it’s awareness.
It’s not just about good vibes and vision boards. It’s also about the ugly parts we don’t want to look at. The words we wish we could take back. The pauses we didn’t take.
Ready to Shift Out of Toxic Patterns?
You’re not broken. You’re human. And this space exists to remind you of that.
If you’ve ever had a moment like this, drop a comment or share your story. Let’s learn from each other."Remember, getting unstuck isn't about having all the answers—it's about being willing to ask better questions."
- Traci ❤️
About Traci Edwards
Traci Edwards is the founder of Let's Get Unstuck, a personal growth platform born from her own journey through feeling stuck, afraid, and uncertain at 44. After discovering transformational coaching wisdom that changed her life, she created this space to share the voices, stories, and insights that helped her—and might help you too.
Through honest reflections and curated coaching segments, Traci invites others to explore what it means to get unstuck, find purpose, and live with more courage and clarity.
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Cindy L.
September 2, 2025 at 3:20 pmThis I can definitely relate to. Thank you for the tips and insight, it is
Definitely good info! ♥️
Traci
September 4, 2025 at 7:50 pmI would be very surprised if someone wrote otherwise. We have all been there, but I think what is most important is when we can self reflect in the moments by catching ourselves in \"the act\". Thank you Cindy for commenting on this.