You wake up expecting a normal day, nothing special, sun shining, dog snoring and instead you want to crawl right back under the covers and hide from the world.

That was me.
And truth be told, sometimes it still is.
And honestly? It wasn’t just me feeling that way.
My husband was dealing with his own shit quietly in the background too. 

Welcome to your 40s.
The era of “What the fuck is happening to me and why does my face look puffy?”

---

When 40 Hits Like Someone Hid Your Damn Remote

Turning 40 didn’t just sneak up on me, it barged in like an uninvited guest.
I felt stuck, like someone pressed “pause” on my life and then tossed the remote into a black hole.

My purpose? Gone.
Work felt empty.
My confidence? Tanked.
My self-worth? Buried under exhaustion and anxiety.

And let’s talk about the puffiness.
Because I swear, my face started holding onto water like it owed it money.

Sleep? Forget it.
Progesterone pills turned me into a rage-crying lunatic who sobbed at dog commercials. I’d look at my 6-year-old beagle and start crying because “one day she won’t be here.”
My husband genuinely thought I was losing it.

Estrogen patches helped — finally, a little breath of air — but even with friends, laughs, and support, something still felt empty.

I wish someone explained this to me:
What really gets you isn’t the hormones,  it’s that numb, empty place inside where your spark used to live.

---

And Then I Realized, He Was Shifting Too! 

While I was spiraling, my husband was going through his own midlife shift.
But his showed up quieter:

• Less drive
  
  

• Less passion
  
  

• Smiling less
  
  

• Sleeping in more
  
  

• Not knowing why he felt off

For men, midlife can feel like running on a treadmill that won’t stop.
Work once fueled them and now it just drains them.
They start comparing themselves to others, wondering if they missed their moment, or if their best is already behind them.

So while women are sweating through sleepless nights, snapping one minute and crying the next, men are silently wondering if they’re still enough.
Different symptoms, same stuck feeling. 

As I was unraveling loudly, emotionally, and with full-volume tears…
My husband was unraveling quietly.

---

Midlife Stress in Marriage Is a Sneaky Little Beast

Trying to talk about what I was feeling felt like starring in a one-woman pity show.
Every time I wanted to open up, my brain imagined the judgment:
“He’s going to think I’m dramatic.”
“He’s tired of hearing this.”
“You’re too much.”

So I shut down.
And when you do that long enough, you bury yourself so deep you forget how to climb out.

Eventually, I realized something important:
It wasn’t about him not loving me.
It wasn’t about me not being enough.

It was simply two people carrying different loads at the same exact time and trying to pretend we weren’t drowning a little.

---

Ok, Let’s Talk About It: Whose Sex Drive Is Up and Whose Is Down?

Because we’re not going to pretend this isn’t a real thing.

We are not in our 20s anymore.
Our hormones are doing whatever the hell they want, whenever they want, and it’s complete bullshit.

Someone’s suddenly acting like they’re ready to jump your bones again…
And the other person is wondering if sweatpants count as lingerie.

Let’s be honest:
We’re out here trying to sync hormones like a bad Wi-Fi connection — buffering, glitching, praying for a signal.

But credit where it’s due:
My husband still looks at me with so much love, and he is VERY “handies.”
God bless him.

And honestly?
Sometimes foreplay in your 40s is just making it through the day without crashing on the couch.

---

The Moment I Cracked Open

Then came the day everything just hit me at once.
You know that moment where your inner voice goes:

“Is this really it? This can’t be all there is.”

I listened to a podcast — yes, another one — and it talked about purpose in a way that stopped me cold.
Not the kind you chase for clout.
Not the kind you pretend to have.
But the kind you rediscover when you feel like you’re falling apart.

And I had this moment of:
Who am I to help anyone? I can’t even get it together myself.

But then another thought showed up:
Maybe the things we think we’re too broken to give… are exactly the things that heal us.

Purpose doesn’t have to be polished.
It just has to be lived.

---

Midlife Isn’t a Crisis,  It’s a Wake-Up Call

This decade can feel like quicksand — like the solid ground you’ve been standing on your whole life suddenly gave out.

But I’ve learned something:
You’re not broken.
You’re shifting.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. All of it.

Midlife pulls everything to the surface — the things you’ve ignored, buried, or pushed aside — so you can finally deal with them.

And in that shift, there’s a chance to find yourself again.

---

Ways to Survive (and Not Lose Your Shit) in Midlife

Redefine Success
40 is not 20. Success looks different now — and that’s allowed.

Try Something New
Move your energy. Do something that gets you out of your head.

Speak About It
Even if it feels like a pity party, tell someone.
Get past the awkward part.

Give Back
When you help others, you find missing pieces of yourself.

Be Kind and Patient With Yourself
This isn’t the end.
It’s a reset.
And resets bring rediscovery.

---

A Little Something That Helped Me

Be Kind and Patient With Yourself
This isn’t the end of your story, it’s a reset.
And in the reset, there’s self- discovery and new life.

CTA: 

I want to share a podcast a dear friend sent to me.
I thought it was eye opening for both women and men.
Hell I came home crying to my husband listening to a part of it and it was the part about men going through midlife! 

At one point one of the hosts from The Imperfects Podcast breaks down about his new found battle with depression and he explains his thoughts and feelings.
I have the utmost respect for his vulnerability and I think this is extremely relatable for guys and it’s to also help women further understand men.
The Imperfects podcast was created by 3 legends Hugh van Cuylenburg, Josh van Cuylenburg and Ryan Shelton. The podcast touches on many mental health topics and struggles. 

As for both women and men, Dr. Emily Musgrove dives deep into the layers of midlife, the lows but also the highs.
So if you are feeling stuck this is a powerful reminder that midlife isn’t the end- it’s the beginning of something rich and new and she explains it all in The Meaning of Mid-Life.
This is a must listen to!